the thing about tonsillitis of the skin…

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is that it really really stinks. quite frankly i would rank it at the top of the annoying list right next to itty bitty splinters and cold grilled cheese sammies.

i was feeling a bit run down, which would be normal seeing as i have slept as much as Uncle Martin in the great film My Favorite Martian.

Uncle Martin: Wake up, Tim. There’s a big day ahead of us.

Tim O’Hara: It’s still night time. You’ve been asleep for 30 seconds.

Uncle Martin: 30 seconds? I *was* tired!

… you get my point.

so, as i was saying, i was feeling a bit run down and i had a touch of a sore throat. thinking it was just allergies, i laid down around one for a short power nap… which happened to last 10 hours. you can call me rip van winkle.

upon my resurrection i had quite a shock. I HAD BUMPS. these little red spots covered my body from the tops of my legs to my back.

immediately did the logical thing, and  googled “sudden red little dots on skin”…the first result was HIV, the second chicken pox.

ive never had chicken pox, and as i havent injected myself with any dirty needles recently, i decided it had to be the later.  freaking out, i called and notified every one of my family and friends.

“GUYS I HAVE A RED DOTTED RASH. MAKE FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS. I THINK ITS CHICKEN POX”

after sufficiently freaking myself and everyone around me out, i decided to take a shower and go to bed. I dreamed of aliens infecting me with their DNA and of ghosts visiting me and telling me i was next. honestly, i thought it was a sign of my emanate demise.

the next morning i called the medical clinic at exactly 830… their opening time. the dots had grown into a mass of leopard spots and now covered most of my body. luckily, i got the first appointment of the day. i think the receptionist took pity on me and my panicked plea of, “PLEASE HELP I HAVE SPOTS.” so, after rushing there, a nice little doctor took me into a room.

“you have tonsillitis of the skin” he said.

“No,” i replied, “thats in your throat” thinking to myself *what kind of drugs is this fella taking?*

well, as it turns out, it is a real thing. you can go and google it. after taking the antibiotics and sleeping through most of Tuesday night, i have healed significantly.Image

so, moral of the story: DO NOT GOOGLE YOUR DISEASES. you will be grossed out, and you will send your loved ones into a panic attack.

ill keep you posted on how im doing… until then, maybe you can contract some really cool scientific monstrosity. i have to admit though… being infected with alien DNA didnt seem so horrible when i really thought about it.

peace up, a town down,

e

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